


Address in the Stars

by Lexilindale35



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Feels, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 02:10:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9101710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexilindale35/pseuds/Lexilindale35
Summary: (When the bond finally hits Nesta, she decides to make it official.Except it seems like this world doesn't want her and Cassian to have a happy ending.)Nesta wiped away a tear, "he said we can have a wedding or be mated by a priestess. Although being official doesn't change anything really. Because we are mates, no one can change that."Feyre nodded, "but you want to."Nesta ran her fingers along her sisters tattoo, the one that she wore ever since her days in the spring court, "I want everyone to know he's mine. I want every woman, every man, to know that Cassian belongs to me and only me. Is that so bad?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance.

"Nesta! Nesta!" Cassian came running into the house in a full blown panic. He could feel Nesta's heart racing, he could feel her panicking. He had left the camps, in the middle of sparring, because he had to make sure she was okay.

"Nesta!" He called for her over and over again, his own heart racing. His hands shook as he searched for her. He was sure she was here, the bond had led him to this very place. But their bedroom was empty, so was the living room.

When he found her the tightness in his chest loosened as he stepped out into the backyard. She was facing away from him. Her scent wrapped around him, calming his panic. He could still feel hers, but it was nothing compared to what his had been. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close.

"Cass," tears were on her cheeks as he pressed soft kisses against her neck, "I didn't hear you come in. You're early."

He kissed the back of her neck, making her shiver. Cassian smiled, "I felt your panic. I felt you, I didn't think I just followed the bond."

Nesta went stiff in his arms, "the bond."

Cassian then realized where her fears had come from, why she had been panicking. Because she felt the bond snap into place. She felt him, she felt everything the way he had felt her for months. He didn't know why it had happened now, when they had been doing everything exactly the same as before. But Cassian had never been happier. Or more terrified in his life.

Cassian ran the tips of his fingers over her arms. Waiting a full minute before speaking. He knew she would push him away, keep him at a distance like she had before. She never wanted the mating bond, she told him that the day she was remade and he woke up to broken wings. But somehow through the bluster and bullshit of their life, they had found each other.

They had chosen each other.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he whispered as she leaned against her, "I just. Didn't want to scare you."

She nodded slowly, "it just happened so suddenly. One minute I was with Feyre dealing with the spring court and the next you were right there, in the center of my heart. I couldn't stop missing you."

Nesta spun around in his arms and she pressed her lips to his. He pulled her in, holding her as tightly as he possibly could, "it's always been you," he whispered softly against her skin, "I've loved you Nesta. Ever since the day I met you."

She smiled slightly, "I think. I think I love you too."

He wiped away her tear, "my mate," he said softly into her hair, the smile never leaving his face, "my beautiful, fiery mate."

Nesta felt her heart beat faster, "what does this mean? What do we do?"

Cassian pressed his big hand against her cheek, "we don't have to do anything. We could just be us, the way we always have been. Or we can accept this, accept the bond and be mated before a priestess. Or if you prefer a wedding, we can have one of those too."

Nesta looked into his beautiful honey brown eyes and realized she wasn't afraid. All she felt inside her heart, was love for this man. The man who had promised to protect her to whatever end. The bond magnified it, but it had already been there. From the very beginning, Cassian had always been there. Because he was the beginning of her new life, the start of her belief in love.

"I accept you," she whispered against his lips, "because you taught me how to accept myself."

A tear slipped down Cassian's cheek as she kissed him. He let out a laugh as he pulled away, "in order to accept the bond you have to feed me."

Nesta raised her eyebrows, "feed you? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Cassian leaned in and bit her earlobe gently. He felt the bond, hot and heavier than it had been before. It took up every corner of his soul, every need he ever had was focused on Nesta, right here in his arms, "its tradition."

She shivered in his arms, "Cass," her hands slipped down his arms and felt his entire body surrender to her. They had always been perfect together, but the bond made their need, their desires, even more real as they stood there together. Nesta smiled as she kissed the place underneath his ear. 

"Is there something specific I'm supposed to feed you?" She whispered as his hand went to her hips.

He laughed, "something easy. Because right now I just want to take you to our bedroom and lock the door."

Nesta was more than okay with that idea. She wasn't sure why she was so okay with the mating bond happening now, years after they had settled into a life together. She knew she loved Cassian, she had for a while. But this thing inside her chest, it squeezed and demanded more. It echoed his heartbeat along with hers. It promised her a lifetime by his side. A life beside someone who truly saw her, for everything she was and all the things she could be.

Cassian picked her up and carried her into the house. He didn't set her down until he found the counter, so he could stand between her legs, never breaking their kiss. Nesta smiled as she reached around until she found the cookie jar.

She pulled back, his breath hot against her neck, "Cass," his name was half a moan, half a whisper as it fell from her lips, "does this count?"

He pulled back to see her offering him a bite of cookie. He laughed, leaning in and taking a bite, "I think it does sweetheart."

Nesta felt it, hot and heavy inside her chest. She felt him, he was hers. It surged up her stomach and latched onto her heart. A bond, so strong and pure she had no idea how she had survived without it this long. How she had missed all the signs telling her Cassian was the one.

Cassian pulled her off the counter and carried her into their bedroom. He set her down on their bed gently, running his hands down her sides like this was their very first time. Nesta smiled up at him, because he had been her very first. Her first touch, first kiss. He had been her first love and now there was never going to be a last.

"Cassian," Nesta gasped as he kissed his way down her body. He stopped at her chest, rolling his tongue over her breast until his teeth caught her peaked nipple. She shivered underneath him, her fingers tangled in his long hair.

She felt him laugh against her stomach as she wiggled, asking him to go further down. Nesta bit her lip as he touched her, his hand pressing against her core. Her eyes closed, her back arched. One touch from this man and she went crazy. She never knew it could be like this, feel like this. But she had it all with Cassian. She loved him heart and soul.

Nesta was panting as he kissed her heat. Cassian had to hold her hips in place as his finger slipped inside. She moaned as he slipped in the second, her toes curling as her hips met his hand, thrust for thrust.

She was shaking, "Cassian," her eyes were still closed, but Cassian saw it all. Her arched back, her body begging him for release. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. His mate, naked beneath him. His mate finding pleasure in him.

Cassian felt a flicker of pride knowing he had been able to do all of this and more, even before her bond had snapped into place.

He brought her to the edge with his hand. When he pulled away she whimpered, but Cassian caught the sigh with his mouth and kissed her as he aligned their bodies. He didn't give her a warning, he filled her up in one smooth motion. He swallowed her moans, her gasps. He ran his hand across her chest as she settled around him.

"Cassian," every time she said his name he was ready to fall apart. Because it wasn't just Nesta saying his name. She was chanting it, singing it, as if he was the air she needed to breathe in this very moment. 

He set the pace, going slow at first. He didn't just want to take his mate, he wanted to love her, to worship her. But Nesta wanted more. Her hips moved faster than his, her finger nails dig into his big arms. She was gasping for air, riding out one high only to be hit with another.

"That's right," he whispered when he felt himself start to ease over the edge, "don't hold back love."

She gasped as he fell apart, the bond a living and breathing thing between them. They were both breathing heavily as they came undone, their faces inches apart. Nesta laughed, before Cassian could kiss her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"My mate," she said softly, feeling another pulse of desire, "I love you."

Cassian pulled back, ran his fingers down her cheek. There were tears in his eyes, "I've loved you for a hundred years, before I even met you. And I'll love you for a hundred more. Because you are my soul, Nesta Acheron. You are mine."

Nesta didn't realize she was crying until it was too late. Cassian wiped away the tear and kissed her softly. He still hadn't moved from between her legs, she never wanted him to. They were content to stay together, to be here in this moment for as long as they could be.

"Cassian! Get your ass out here!" Feyre's voice filled their tiny cottage. 

They had been so wrapped up in each other they hadn't heard the front door open. Before they had a chance to dress, to move apart and look as if anything else had been taking place, their bedroom door slammed open. Both the high lord and lady stood there.

"Oh," Feyre gasped and stepped back as Cassian shielded his mate. He growled at Rhysand, who also stepped back, "god my eyes."

Nesta laughed, "that's what you get for not knocking little sister."

Cassian growled again, his need to protect his mate outweighing the fact that this was his high lord. Rhysand shook his head, laughing as Cassian stayed above Nesta.

"I take it the bond finally found both of them," he asked quietly as Cassian glared at them, "Feyre we should probably come back. Say next week."

His wife winced, "next month," she mumbled, but smiled at her sister. 

They left, leaving the door open, as Cassian seemed to settle. Nesta pressed her hand against his cheek, forcing him to look at her, "three times? Is that all you've got?"

Cassian pressed himself into her once more, the bond demanding he please his mate as many times as she wanted. And Cassian knew from experience Nesta was never only satisfied with one round.

\--

Rhysand and Feyre came back the next day. Cassian again growled at Rhys the moment he even looked at Nesta. Rhys in turn provoked Nesta mate for the hell of it. His eyes glanced over Nesta, who was wearing Cassian's shirt over a pair of leggings, and he clicked his tongue.

"She doesn't look too satisfied to me, Cass. Should I ask her for a ride? Show her how the high lord pleasures his woman."

Cassian snapped. Nesta pushed them both of out of the house before their fighting damaged her things. Feyre laughed, shaking her head as she fell onto the couch beside her sister.

"Males," she waved her hand as they ignored the fighting, "how do you feel?"

Nesta smiled, "like I finally found someone who won't leave."

Feyre held her sisters hand, "he won't ever leave you Nesta. He's been in love with you for so long. I'm happy you have him. So happy you two have each other."

Nesta wiped away a tear, "he said we can have a wedding or be mated by a priestess. Although being official doesn't change anything really. Because we are mates, no one can change that."

Feyre nodded, "but you want to."

Nesta ran her fingers along her sisters tattoo, the one that she wore ever since her days in the spring court, "I want everyone to know he's mine. I want every woman, every man, to know that Cassian belongs to me and only me. Is that so bad?"

Feyre shook her head, "no. It's not bad at all. We can go tomorrow."

Nesta felt her heart soar, "I can't believe it. Who would've thought I'd want a ceremony," she laughed as her little sister squeezed her hand.

"I always knew one day you'd meet someone who's fire matched your own. When I met Cassian, I just knew there was something inside of him that reminded me of you."

Nesta blushed, "Rhysand always told me when he first saw you under the mountain you reminded him of Cassian."

Feyre looked away, as if the memory hurt her. But then she nodded, "yeah. Well you and I are a lot more alike than you think big sister."

Nesta realized she was right. While all three of them looked alike, Feyre and Nesta were the most compatible. That's why she had always been so angry in the cabin with their father. Because it should've been her who took care of them, not Feyre. She was the oldest, the one who was supposed to take their mother's place. She thought she had been doing that, by agreeing to marry Tomas.

But instead Feyre had saved them all. It had rubbed Nesta the wrong way.

"We both tried," Feyre whispered, reading Nesta's thoughts, "what matters is here and now. The fact that we got out and we are all happy. You're happy right nes?"

Nesta nodded, her eyes going towards the window where Cassian was still fighting with Rhysand, "yeah. I'm happy, Fey."

Feyre stood up and Nesta went to protest, until she saw the two males walking back to the house. Cassian grabbed her hand and Feyre grabbed Rhys. They were both smiling, Feyre waved before Rhys winnowed them away. Cassian pulled Nesta into the kitchen.

He kissed her hard, his chest going up and down fast, from his fight with Rhys, "Cass," he slipped his hand under the waistband of her leggings. She gasped as he thrust a finger into her, not waiting for anything. She moaned as he slowly knelt down in front of her.

"Gods you're beautiful," he whispered against her skin. He pulled down her leggings and she sighed, "I can smell you from here sweetheart."

Nesta let out a cry as she fell onto the table, her legs wrapped around his shoulders. Her legs were shaking as he ran his tongue along her thigh.

"Cass," her fingers weaved through his hair, "I want to be, ah. Gods," she moaned as he pressed his mouth harder against her, "go to a priestess. I want everyone to know. Cassian. Yes there."

He stopped as she cried for him to go on, "you want to be declared mates? In front of the entire court?"

She nodded, her legs shaking, "I am yours. I want a mark like Feyre's, I want everyone to know you're mine."

Cassian kissed her, she could taste herself. But she could also feel him. She felt the love and desire he had burning through him. It erased every fear, every doubt she ever had about the way she felt for him. About the way he felt for her. She was his and he belonged to her. She wanted the entire night court, hell this entire world, to know.

\---

Elain weaved little blue flowers into a crown on top of her head. Nesta was nervous, she wasn't sure why. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking, her leg wouldn't stop bouncing. She knew this was it, but she was still scared. Scared to give into her feelings for her mate. Sacred something could go wrong and take him away.

"You look beautiful," Mor whispered kissing her cheek. 

She let out a breath as Feyre came in, "Cassian is a mess. He's convinced something is going to go wrong," she laughed, "if he has any hair left i'm sure he'll look perfect in his suit."

Nesta smiled. He had clung to her last night, convinced she was going to change her mind. He was terrified to lose her, and it only made her even more in awe of him. Because no one had ever been afraid to lose her, afraid she'd walk away. Because that was her move, she left before things got too heavy. Cassian kept surprising her.

She couldn't wait for everyone to know he was hers and she was his.

Feyre hugged her sister, "you look happy."

"I am," she nodded as she looked at her sister through the mirror. She took in a breath, "I can't believe he's mine. I can't believe. I just. Never thought any of this would happen. And yet here we are. I'm finally accepting of myself and Cassian got me there. Cassian is the start and end of it all it seems."

Feyre kissed her cheek, "you and Cassian were born years apart, but I swear the gods knew what they were doing. Because you were both made for each other."

A tear escaped Nesta's eyes, "don't make me cry, Fey. You'll ruin my makeup."

The girls laughed as the bells chimed and it was time to get ready.

_Nesta._  Cassian called down the bond.  _I had a dream. This isn't going to happen._

Nesta closed her eyes at his voice. She hadn't heard it all day. 

_It'll be okay._  She replied.  _I promise we will be together. It was just a dream._

_I miss you._

_You'll see me soon sweetheart._

She used his favorite nickname back at him. But she could feel his fear, feel his panic. He knew something, or thought he did. Something she didn't. Last night he had laid in bed talking about stars in starfall. Telling Nesta how they are the souls of those they've lost. If anything should happen she'll always find him there.

She thought he was just talking, filling the space between them while they took a moment to regain their breath. The bond, the need, Feyre hadn't been kidding when she said it was intense. But so was Cassian. He kept telling her things she needed to know before they were officially mated. But now, she felt his fear, he was pacing back and forth. He needed to come see her. He needed to see that she was okay. 

_I am fine Cassian._

He let out a breath. The bond stirred.

_I can't stop worrying._

Nesta smiled and closed her eyes. Sending him a picture of them, an image of them together, tonight. She smiled as she felt him relax, he shivered in the cold of his room. He just needed to be with her. Because he would never fail her again. Not like last time.

_I love you._

His deep voice sent shivers down her spine. Mor pulled on her veil, "no talking to the mate until you're in the same room."

Nesta rolled her eyes, "fine."

Mor smiled as she looked at Nesta, helping her stand, "if I do recall, Cassian looks pretty good all dressed up."

Before Nesta could think about it she growled at Mor. She narrowed her eyes and the sound ripped from her throat. She whipped around and almost grabbed her by the neck. Mor jumped back, Feyre laughing at the display. Because Nesta was over protective now. 

"I think you should just forget about your past with Cassian," Feyre tapped Mor's shoulder, "for your own good."

Nesta nodded as Feyre took her arm, "are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

\--

The doors open and Cassian stood at the end of the long aisle. He didn't turn around, he stayed facing forward, afraid to see her walking towards him. Rhys leaned in and whispered something, then he slowly turned. Nesta watched as his eyes grew wide and he gasped, taking her in.

The way he looked at her, the feelings she felt through their bond, it was enough to bring her to her knees. To make her understand how someone could live five hundred years and never grow bored.

His eyes were sparkling and his smile was crooked. He didn't blink, he didn't want to miss a single moment of her walking towards him. Nesta smiled back at him, his suit fit him perfectly in all the right places. His hair was tied back, a few strands had gotten loose. He looked like everything she had always wanted. Everything she never knew she needed.

"You look beautiful," he whispered as he took her hand.

She blushed, "you look pretty good yourself."

He kissed the back of her hand. Nesta wasn't sure what to expect from the ceremony. According to Cassian this was different from a wedding. Except it seemed a lot like a wedding to her. The girls had  dressed her up, did her makeup. Cassian and Rhys stood there beside her and Feyre.

The priestess smiled, "Nesta Acheron, Cassian Moten. You are here to declare your feelings, your bond. Have you accepted the bond?"

Nesta blushed as she remembered last night, "yes," Cassian answered, his hand coming to find hers, "we have."

She nodded and Nesta took a step closer to Cassian. Because this priestess was beautiful, much more beautiful than Nesta ever could be. Cassian shook his head at her thoughts, she had forgotten to put her shield up. He kissed her temple.

"Alright then. Give me your hands."

Nesta offered her right hand, then Cassian did the same. The priestess used a knife and sliced open their skin. Nesta jumped more from surprise than pain. Then as a few drops of blood pooled on her skin, she joined their hands together. Cassian wrapped his big pinkie around her little one. 

Nesta couldn't help but smile, the story she had shared so long ago flashing through her mind. She always said the only real promise was a promise made with your pinkie. Pinkie promises were binding. Cassian smiled, the bond throbbed inside both of their chests. He had listened, he had seen every part of Nesta's soul.

He was her mate. But she was more than that. She was the other half of his soul. They were equals in every way, partners in this life they would share together. Nesta's eyes filled with tears as his brown eyes kept hold of hers.

"By the power I bestow, by the gods who watch over us, by all of Pyrithan I have gathered your closet friends and family to witness your union. Do you Cassian Moten, wish to be forever bound, by heart and soul, from this day forward?" 

He smiled, "I do."

The priestess turned and looked at Nesta, "do you Nesta Acheron wish to be forever bound, by heart and soul, from this day forward?"

She nodded her head slowly, "I do."

Nesta looked at Cassian, who nodded slightly at the priestess. She waved her hand, it was more like a flick of her wrist, and then Cassian's eyes found Nesta's once more. His smile got bigger as he stood facing her, his eyes traveling down her body and back up again. 

The priestess smiled as the mark slowly appeared. Nesta gasped, the black design curled around her shoulder, swirling and diving along her arm. It stopped, wrapping around her wrist and her eyes filled with tears. Because Cassian had designed this to match his. She knew when she pressed her hand up against his heart, where hers ended his would begin.

"Cassian," she whispered as she flexed her hand. He smiled, brushing his thumb against her cheek, "thank you."

He kissed her softly before the priestess could declared them mated, "you wanted my marks," he whispered so softly no one else could hear, "no one has ever wanted to match me. Not in five hundred years."

She wrapped her arms around his neck. Her mark glowing in the light. Cassian ran his hand along her arm, his fingers making her shake. She loved him, like she had never loved anyone before. She could feel his pride in that, she could feel his heart beat along with hers.

"I love you," she whispered softly as people watched them.

The priestess clapped her hands, "I declare you mates in front of the night court and the gods themselves. You are bound together, for as long as you both shall live."

Cassian wiped away a tear, "as I love you," he whispered back before kissing her once more. They could hear everyone cheering. She could hear Mor and Feyre the loudest. But she didn't listen. She got swept up in her mates arms, feeling perfectly content to live the rest of the existence right there in that moment.

\--

Nesta stood with her hand in Cassian's as they stood in front of their friends. Their family. She couldn't stop smiling, her jaw was starting to hurt. She couldn't stop staring at her beautiful mark. The one that matched her mates. The mark that meant they would forever be together.

They had just said the words, declared themselves to each other when the doors burst open. Someone screamed. Cassian pulled Nesta to his side. His instincts demanded he keep her close. Her hand held onto his forearm. The candles lighting the room flickered as a sick laugh sounded. 

"The perfect little bastard thought he would actually get a happy ending," Nesta couldn't place the voice, but Cassian could. He went stiff in front of her, his arm out to shield her from whatever these males had planned.

Rhysand glared in their direction, "leave. Or I'll mist you all. This is a private ceremony."

The leader laughed as he stepped into view. He had on his fighting leathers, his hair was shaved close to his head. Nesta couldn't place him, she had no idea who this person was. His eyes were big and he looked like a bastard himself. Cassian let out a breath, "Marcus."

"Hello little bastard."

Nesta grabbed his arm, "Cassian."

He shook his head, "this is between me and you. Leave my mate out of this."

"Like you left mine alone all those years ago?"

"It was a gods damn accident!" Cassian closed his eyes. 

The day Marcus lost Lyra had been his biggest regret after the war was over. They had been out on a mission, someone had taken Nesta. They searched the woods and Cassian let her go towards the cliff's edge. She lost her footing and stumbled. Lyra didn't have wings and Cassian wasn't fast enough. She died because he had been careless. Because he let her look over the edge searching for Nesta.

It had been an accident. But he never let himself forget her. He still carried that guilt, it was guilt he had shared with Nesta only a few months ago when he ran his thumb over the scar that ran down her side, forever reminding him of that terrible day.

Marcus shrugged, "then maybe we'll remember this as one too."

He strung his bow and pulled it back. Nesta fought Cassian, she tried to step in front of him but he wouldn't budge. Her eyes scanned the scene in front of her. Rhysand went for Marcus's friend, who's bow was now pointed at Feyre. Azriel and Mor were taking on the other friend, while Elain had went to Lucien.

Tears filled her eyes and she reached for her fire. She thought back to all the lessons she had sat through with her mate. He taught her patience and endurance. He taught her that she was her own greatest weapon. She curled it around her fingers and it took all of one moment for her to fling the fireball at the man who wanted to hurt her mate. But it was in that same moment, that same breath, that Marcus let the arrow fly.

Cassian always knew he'd die protecting his heart. At least that was the promise the gods had made him when he was younger. He never realized they meant he would die by protecting the woman he loved, his heart given flesh. But he didn't even think twice when he stayed in front of her. He stood up taller, bracing himself for the pain. The arrow was pointed at her, but it would hit him instead.

It was an ash arrow. He felt the suffocating magic as it hit his skin. He felt the sickening grip of death as he realized what had happened. The tip had hit hit heart. Nesta screamed as he fell, her arms going around him. He didn't regret this, he would never regret taking the arrow so that she could live. So she could fall in love with the world the way he had always hope she would. The way he had been watching her do for the last few years.

He had promised her a lifetime together, but he knew now they were only supposed to have a few happy years. She came into his life to bring him out of the darkness that was the war. She had helped him find his way back into this world and in turn, he had helped her adjust to his world. 

Nesta was his light, he was her anchor. He had taught her everything he knew, about love and life. About forgiveness and strength. He taught her to believe in herself. He made her want to live again. Not just survive, but to live. And Cassian knew, without a doubt, she could live without him. But he also knew she would never want to.

He knew time was running out. He could feel his life draining from him as he looked up at his mate, the woman he had just gotten and now had to let go. He felt the bond fading slowly, Nesta holding tightly to it with everything she had.

"'Nesta," his voice was weak, "look at me love."

She looked up from his chest, her tears blurring her vision. She couldn't stop crying, because she knew he was dying. She could feel it, it felt like she was dying too. The pain from the arrow was nothing compared to the splintering of their bond. She held onto it with everything she had.

"Cassian," she touched his cheek, "stay with me. Please. Help is coming."

Cassian shook his head slowly. There was no healer that could possibly save him. But they both already knew that. He reached up, his hand covered in his own blood. He had saved her from that arrow knowing he had doomed himself. But this was always the way he knew it would end. The gods had told him time and time again he would die protecting his heart. 

He would never regret a moment he spent with her. Even this moment. Because she was his heart, she would get to live. After living for so long, Cassian had finally found something, someone, worth dying for.

His breath was shallow, but he looked up at Nesta with so much love in his eyes. Whatever strength he had left was used on her. He needed her to live, to be the woman she wanted to be. He wanted her to love again. He didn't want this to change her. To break her anymore than this world already had.

"I love you," he whispered softly as he touched her tear stained cheek, "don't forget that. Don't forget me, Nesta."

She felt the tightness in her chest start to crack. What was she supposed to do without him? How was she supposed to move on, when he was who she wanted? He was her world, her light in the dark, she never thought she'd lose him. She could never forget him, not after everything he had taught her.

Chaos had ensued while Nesta had tried to keep Cassian alert. Marcus and his crew had set fire to the chapel. Or maybe it had been Nesta's fireball, either way the place was going to crumble. Nesta didn't care, she wanted to curl up and die with him. Because he was her mate, she couldn't see a future without him. 

Not after this. 

"Nesta!" Feyre pulled on her arm but she wouldn't budge. He couldn't be gone, but the light had left his eyes.

"No," she threw herself down and cried onto his chest. She held tightly to him, begging him to come back. She didn't want to do this without him. She had finally let someone in, she finally belonged to someone else, heart and soul.

But she could feel the bond snap, it broke apart her chest, as Cassian gave his last breath. She hated him. For letting her fall in love with him. For making her choose a life he thought was full of happiness. She slapped his chest lightly, shaking as the chapel started to fall down around them.

"Come back," she whispered as the bond broke completely and she was suddenly freezing. Cassian had taken her warmth, her love, with him. 

There was no address in the stars. How was she supposed to reach him? How was she supposed to move on without him? She didn't want to move on without him. She didn't want to spend the rest of eternity remembering his kiss, or gazing at the stars hoping to see him. She wanted him here beside her.

She didn't just want a head full of memories. She wanted a hand to hold, a person to love. He had promised. Cassian never broke his promises, and yet. Somehow she was staring at him laying there without life. Their bond was broken and Nesta couldn't understand how this had happened. One moment this was the happiest she had ever been and the next she was breaking.

"Nesta!" Feyre screamed again, trying to wake Nesta from this terrible nightmare. She could smell his blood, her hands were covered in it. She couldn't feel him anymore and yet she kept staring at his body, waiting for him to wake up. Because Cassian was her warrior, her knight with wings.

He wasn't supposed to die like this. He wasn't supposed to leave her behind. 

Feyre kept saying her sister's name, but nothing moved her. She panicked, her eyes searching their friends for help. Azriel came over and took one look at Nesta and knew what he had to do. He picked her up and moved her as the beam fell right where she had been kneeling.

"Cassian!" She screamed but Azriel didn't stop running, "we can't leave him. Please."

Azriel held her close as everyone got out of the building before it collapsed around them. Nesta sobbed as she fell apart, her heart broken and her soul beyond repair. Nesta looked back at the body of the man she loved with every broken piece of her soul.

"I will never forget you, Cassian." 

Azriel held her close as Rhysand touched her back and knocked her out. She welcomed the darkness and the numbness that came along with it.

\--

Nesta woke up disoriented. Her chest felt empty, her arm was still covered in black ink. Her mind took a few minutes to catch up to her body. She looked at the tattoo that ran down her arm and she felt the emptiness in her chest. It felt hallow, that place where the bond had been bright and burning only hours ago. It was empty and cold, as was her heart.

Nesta turned and found the bed empty, her mind replaying the events of that day. They had been mated, they had given themselves to each other. And then just as soon as it had all happened, as soon as they were happy, it had all been taken away.

Someone had changed her. Her veil was gone and her dress was too. She was wearing Cassian's shirt. She was in her own bed. Fresh tears gathered as his scent gathered around her. She could feel him. If she tried hard enough she could believe he was just out on an errand and he would be back soon.

But if she tried to pull at the thread that had once connected them reality reminded her he wasn't just away. He was gone and he was never coming back. The air had left his lungs, his eyes had lost their beautiful light. Her mate was gone and she had to find a way to survive without him.

"Cassian," tears streamed down Nesta's cheeks as she called for him. Her broken heart would never stitch back together. She let out a cry, a sob so loud it shook the pictures on the walls.

Her bedroom door flew open and Feyre came in. She ran to her sisters side and pulled her close, "shh. I'm sorry, Nesta. I am so sorry."

"He's gone," she coughed, "we just left him there. Feyre. I can't. I can't breathe."

Her sister held her tighter, rubbing circles on her back. These weren't the arms she wanted, but Nesta knew they would have to do. Because she would never get him back. There was no way to undo what had already been done. 

Somehow she calmed herself down, her sobs were quieter as the rest of the inner circle came into the room. Rhysand and Azriel had been crying. Mor was the only one who looked as horrible as Nesta. Both their faces were red and puffy.

Everyone had lost someone. Cassian had been their friend, their brother, their protector. Their commander. But Nesta had lost more than that. She had lost her best friend, her lover. She lost her mate. The other half that had made her whole.

Her heart ached. She had spent the entire day away from him. They had been mated, only to be torn apart. This should've been the happiest morning of her life, waking up beside her mate and basking in the glow of their love. But instead she was mending her broken heart in the worst nightmare she had ever had.

Rhysand took her hand in his, "nothing I say will make this pain go away. But we are here for you Nesta. We are your family, as was Cassian."

She nodded slowly, leaning into Feyre, "I feel empty. The bond, it's gone. And I just. Miss him. I haven't been without Cassian in years."

Nesta wiped away a tear as she sat up. Rhysand squeezed her fingers and Azriel touched her shoulder, "we will find Marcus. Justice will be served."

They were trying to comfort Nesta, to make her feel a little less alone. But Nesta knew no matter what they said or did they would never be able to bring Cassian back. He was gone, in every sense of the word. She could feel him, just not like before. She could smell him, his perfect scent of leather and cinnamon. She wanted to bury her nose in his pillow and never lose his scent.

Crying wouldn't bring him back. So Nesta took one last moment to mourn Cassian. She knew she would never truly heal from this scar. This would forever be etched into her heart. But she wasn't going to let it stop her. She would find a way to live again, she would find a way to breathe without him.

"I want to help," her tears were gone. She pushed her sadness aside and made a silent promise to her mate. She would hunt down the bastards who took him away. She would hunt them down and show them they had pissed off the wrong person. Because Cassian had deserved better. Because Cassian had taught her what family was.

Rhysand looked at Feyre and then nodded, "I would assume nothing less from you Nesta. My brother was so proud to love you."

Nesta looked at her high lord and forced a smile. She had been honored to be loved by someone as  loyal and kindhearted as Cassian. Someone who knew the greatest pains this world had to offer and could still smile as brightly as the rest of them. Someone who looked into her soul and wasn't afraid of the fire that burned brightly. Instead he embraced it, he embraced her, and loved her twice as hard as anyone ever could.

His love had tamed her. Nesta knew there would never be anyone else. She would forever belong to her mate, who's wings were now accompanied by a halo.

"He is my mate, I will always love him."

Her voice was small but they all knew the weight those words held. Because Nesta never did anything halfway. So she would always love him, and she would never ever forget him. She would spend the rest of her life trying to avenge her mate's death and when she finally did she would burn this world to ash.


End file.
